Five Pieces of Must-Have Merch for the Deadpool Fanboy
At this point, everyone in the world has heard and rejoiced about Deadpool’s big-screen debut (except for all of the people who have signed this petition. They’d rather we get a family-friendly version of the Merc With A Mouth… we’re not sure if they’ve ever read a Deadpool book, or if they just want to police everyone else’s joy). With the movie on its way, we’ve composed a list of must-have merchandise for the Deadpool fangirl in all of us, so it’s only natural we spread the love to the fanboys as well! Below are five pieces of Deadpool memorabilia that you need in your life (okay, maybe that’s a stretch. You don’t necessarily need things outside of food, water, oxygen and shelter… but you might want these things. So… you’re welcome):
Hot Topic is probably the first place fans will stampede to in the search for goodies plastered with the antihero’s likeness. But come on— it’s hard to resist the temptation of eau de Deadpool, even if you have to stand in line with a bunch of sullen-looking teenagers to get it. And buying the fragrance from the store (or online) is cheaper than hunting through EBay listings for it. We have no idea what sort of aroma genie is contained in that awesome-looking bottle— a review of the product reports that it “…smells like sweet leather, not floral. Maybe a little bit of vanilla?”— but the chance to find out is well worth the price-tag. If you get it, let us know, we’ll come over and take a good, long, lingering sniff.
You know what feels good after sitting in tepid water that’s awash (ba dum tss) with your own filth? Stepping out of that muck and slipping on a warm-and-snuggly fleece robe that makes you look 1000% more badass than you actually are. It’s polyester (that’s comfy), it’s flammable (that’s fun), and it has pockets (for all your personal storage needs. Now you can stuff little doughnuts in your pockets and enjoy them in the bath!) And it’s not like wearing this beauty is exclusive to post-bath/shower time— it’s good for all occasions (except maybe a wedding. But that’s kind of a given— unless it’s your wedding, then you can wear whatever the heck you want. As long as you’re not some sort of fire-eater. As we’ve already mentioned, flame and this stupendous robe do not mix).
We’re not saying you should spend over $100 on converse shoes— that would be insane!— we’re suggesting you drop over $100 on custom-made Deadpool converse shoes. Sure, the cost is a little steep, but isn’t that what blackmail and extortion is for? We’re kidding, don’t do that. The police will show up at your door, and they won’t let you keep your hard-earned shoes. If you don’t like the design, as per the product description, you can always request a truly customized pair of kicks from the seller.
“Mouthy Canadian” Deadpool Shirt
It’s fair to say that a lot of fans will be wearing their Deadpool gear with pride up to, during, and after the film’s anticipated release. But how many of those people will be boasting a shirt that, at once represents the mind-boggling antihero and resembles a beer logo? Not many, we’re guessing. And unlike the previously-featured shoes, this shirt won’t leave a gaping hole in your bank account (we hope not, anyway). When you wear this shirt, you might as well crack the tab on a cold can of beer, blast some Marianas Trench, and declare: “I. Am. Canadian.”
Sure, we’ve already sung this collection’s praises, but it’s a must-have for fangirls and fanboys, regardless of whether you’ve just jumped onto the Deadpool Xpress, or you’re an old-timer who’s been through multiple reboots/revamps/relaunches. We’ve already discussed the pros of having this heavyweight classic in your life and on your shelf. But in case you need more reasons to click the “BUY NOW,” button:
You should have this. Not only is Joe Kelly’s storytelling superb, his grasp of Deadpool as a character is smart and spot-on.
2) You deserve this. If you’re new to Deadpool, this is a great introduction to sink your teeth into, so you can experience the depths of Wade Wilson’s insanity for the first time.
3) You want this. Life’s too short to stare longingly at something on a shelf and have some weird, reverse buyer’s remorse because you didn’t purchase this book.
In the end, it’s your dollar and your decision. But everyone’s personal space— whether you’re living in a cramped little apartment, an unassuming house in suburbia, or couch-hopping— will get a lot better with a little Deadpool. Or you can just go see the movie, since it comes out on February 12th, and ignore the temptation to add a bunch of stuff to your life. But where’s the fun in that?
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Five Pieces of Must-Have Merchandise For The Deadpool Fangirl
With arguably the coolest superhero movie ever made steam-rolling into theatres in February, even non-believers are getting that Deadpool itch. But with an over-saturation of superhero merch on the market (everyone will be lining up to raid Hot Topic’s licensed loot), it can be hard to find something (for yourself or your sweetie) that’s unique in the Deadpool department— especially if you’re a lady. Never fear, though, there’s tons of great ‘Pool propaganda out there. In case you need help looking, we’ve compiled a list of the top five pieces of must-have merch for the Deadpool fangirl in everyone.
If you want to make one of the three rings in your marriage a Deadpool-inspired beauty, well, no one can stop you! These antiheroic rings are a little on the pricey side (psst: they’re on sale!) But if your commitment to Wade Wilson— err, the love of your life— includes a matching set of engraved Thorsten Deadpool rings, these are a must-have. With bling this fine perched on your ring finger, nobody will confuse your relationship status. Plus, they’ve got a lifetime warranty, to (hopefully) match the finite eternity of your wedded bliss. You may now kiss the bride. (Or the groom. Or the taco. Whatever, love is love. But hey, if you’re serious about paying homage to Wade Wilson on your wedding day, you should check out this Deadpool lingerie. At current, it’s sold-out, but you can always wait for it to come back in or ask the seller to custom-make something for you).
Is your BFF your Valentine this year? Great idea! Why not show them you care by spicing up an old gift idea with a new twist? This Spideypool necklace set is the perfect present to complement two different (yet enduring) personalities. These two characters may not always get along, but, well, Marvel thinks it’s a good idea to jam them together, so their bond is an inescapable product of forces beyond their control— just like you and your bestie! No one will be able to resist either one of you with these cool charms around your necks.
Wanna show your ears some lovin’? Nothing says, “Thanks for eavesdropping for me,” like stabbing through your own flesh with these handmade studs. They look cool, they’re affordable, and you can’t tell if the Deadpool design is squinting at a taco truck in the distance or warding off an enemy (or your hug-happy great aunt Mildred) with an evil glare— either way, his heated gaze has got you covered.
Holy sh*t! Do you know how freakin’ frigid it is in some parts of the world right now? Do you know how many people are cursing the cold with chattering teeth, and wishing they had something other than a scratchy wool blanket to keep them warm? If you’re one of those people, you’re in luck! Nothing warms your frostbitten toesies and stokes the dying fires of your frozen soul quite like a fleece blanket— and this one’s got Deadpool extolling the virtues of tacos on it! If getting cozy underneath the world’s most famous fictional mercenary sounds like a delight to you, you’d better hurry and grab one of these suckers, before some snot-nosed kid gets it first.
Whether you’ve been reading Deadpool from the start or you’ve just boarded the insane train, or you’re somewhere in between, this is the perfect addition to any Deadpool fan’s collection. Joe Kelly has been praised around the world (wide web) as one of Deadpool’s definitive writers (or maybe we just have a soft spot for his run, and how brilliantly-crafted and funny and awesome it is). He captures the character— in all his ultraviolent, self-loathing, utterly unhinged glory— perfectly. If you have Joe Kelly’s Deadpool omnibus on your shelf, we hope you display this whopping 1,000+ page title with pride.
If you’ve managed to stick with us this whole time (undeterred by the need to pull out your credit card and treat yourself), we commend you. The truth is, we had a robot write the outro to this article because the author got lost in the swirling vortex of Etsy’s Deadpool offerings. You can’t force your employees to be productive— but you can make the choice to go see Deadpool in style. The R-rated masterpiece hits theatres everywhere February 12th.
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Five Most Dateable (and Doable) Fictional Men
Have you ever snuggled up to watch a show, thinking you’re going to have a good time, and emerged from your bed an emotional wreck because of that one fictional guy on your screen? Falling for a fictitious dude is pretty much inevitable with the rise and staying power of the almighty fandom culture— especially with adorable things like endless types of fanfic— amounts of soul-crushing despair, puke-worthy fluff, or even shameless smut may vary— fanart, and even painstakingly-made gifsets to stoke the roaring fires of your one-sided love. Hey, there’s no shame in preferring fantasy over reality— and with that in mind, we’ve put together a list of five of the most scrumptiously dateable fictional men.
1) Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games)
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The baker boy from Suzanne Collins’ award-winning young adult dystopian trilogy is perfect on paper. At once articulately charming enough to win the favour of the audience rooting for his imminent death in a twisted version of reality TV (The Hunger Games makes Keeping Up With the Kardashians seem tasteful), and vulnerable enough to capture the hearts of readers everywhere, it’s hard to imagine anyone turning their nose up at Peeta (or his fresh buns). It doesn’t hurt that he is completely and unashamedly in love with series protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, more than willing to die so that she can go home to her sister, the only person she truly loves. When the books were turned into films, actor Josh Hutcherson had his work cut out for him— and even though he had to dye his hair blonde, we think he did a pretty spiffy job encapsulating and personifying the reliably lovestruck Peeta alongside Jennifer Lawrence’s world-weary Katniss. Even when he’s captured by the Capitol and tortured, irrevocably damaged, and turned into a Katniss-hating machine with the single directive to search for and destroy her… he’s still pretty hot. And aside from the obvious bonus that Hutcherson looks like a miniature version of Gabriel Macht (you marinate with that), who doesn’t want their very own Peeta Mellark to love them unconditionally? You’ll never yearn for bakery-fresh cupcakes again, and hey, he’s a good cuddler! The final film in The Hunger Games franchise, Mockingjay, Part 2 hit theatres on November 5th, 2015, giving Peeta fans everywhere a bittersweet farewell. We ask you: is your love for the strong-jawed, big-hearted Peeta Mellark real or not real?